Finding yourself

Somewhere way back in my memory bank I remember being a little girl.  A little girl with light blonde hair, a silly little smile, too tall for her age, yet so small there was still no better place than Mommy's arms.  A little girl who even at that young age found my greatest enjoyment in observing others.  My oldest memory was at the age of I am guessing 2.  I know this because I know about how old I was when we moved to Montana and I met all my Aunts and Uncles for the first time.  Well, the first time that I remember anyway.  I remember my Mom having a conversation with my Aunt Jane in the upstairs "girls" room at my Grandparents farm.  I very vividly remember pulling my head all the way back to look up at my Aunt and walking in circles around her completely mesmerized by her.  I remember her quiet little laugh and asking my Mom, "what is she doing?"  My Mom's reply, "I think she likes your long hair.  She's never seen anybody with that long of hair before."  And she was right.  I remember just thinking she was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!  She had the most beautiful hair I'd ever seen.  As I grew I continued to think so and every Sunday when we would go to my Grandparents house for dinner I would spend time brushing her hair.

Memories are a beautiful thing.  They take us back in time for just a moment to re-live a more carefree day.  I often wonder as my children grow, what their earliest memory will be.  Lord, I pray it's a good one.  But have you noticed that when life gets tough, things are difficult, we are going through a traumatic time, or we're just simply having a bad day our brains know we need a "breathe escape", as I like to call them.  Breathe escapes are those times where you can just for a moment, for a breathe, close your eyes and go back in time to something peaceful, something simple, something stress-free.  A time when you didn't have the cares or the burdens that are currently weighing heaving and pushing down on your already tired and weak shoulders.   It's almost like going to the gym, these breathe escapes give us strength.  All in one single, deep, comforting breathe.

I don't know if you are a religious person or not.  I am and I believe that the human body is the most, for lack of a better word, AWESOME creation to date and was created by God.  It far surpasses any discovery or invention science and medicine has ever created.  Every single piece of our bodies was designed so specifically and with such purpose.  Ask any doctor or nurse and they will tell you that the human body in all it's parts and purpose is truly miraculous.  Even our little breathe escapes.  How great it is that when creating the human being God gave us a memory.  He didn't have to but he did.  He gave us a way to look back, that our brains can actually not just remember but visualize every detail of an event we wish to recall.  And to find peace in those moments so that we can see that we too will get through this, this difficult thing that is lying right in front of us.  I have a few "stand by" breathe escapes that my brain instantly recalls at a moments notice.

A lesson I learned during my pregnancies and subsequent labors of my three natural childbirths from my doula validates exactly what I am talking about.  She told me to find a memory, a peaceful memory that made me feel good.  During those contractions take yourself back to that place, that time, that moment.  Think of every single detail of that event, every sight, sound, smell, taste and feeling.  Describe it down to the smallest, most insignificant detail.  It draws your focus away from the pain you are feeling at the time and brings you to a calmer, peaceful, comforting place.  For me that time and that place was when my husband and I were very newly married.  We went to a lake up in northern Minnesota Labor Day weekend.  It was just he and I on the boat out in the middle of the lake fishing right at sunset.  We had anchored the boat and were just sitting out there.  There were no other boats around us so it was just the sounds of nature and the zing of line from our fishing poles casting into the water.  There was a slight chill in the air as fall was fast approaching and summer was clearly over.  The ever so slight breeze that brushed the stray strands of my hair against my face, the smell of the abundance of trees around us gracefully providing fresh air and oxygen into our bodies to rejuvenate.  The sun slowly descending from the sky leaving the most beautiful array of colors; reds, pinks, orange, mixed with traces of blue that weren't quite ready to give up to the setting sun just yet.  The smell of campfires off in the distance from fellow vacationers ready to welcome the evening with family and friends, enjoying it's warmth.  The sound of the water gently lapping up against the boat as we swayed to nature's music.  The sound of the loons providing the song for God's nightly lullaby.  The occasional splash in the water from a fish jumping up to catch a brief glimpse of all this glory.  That ever so sweet taste of being home, home to my beautiful landscape of God's pallet, Minnesota.  All this grandeur of nature at it's finest surrounding us with a welcoming invitation to enjoy this moment with them. True peaceful, natural, priceless beauty there to ignite each and every one of our wonderful senses.  Just describing it now brings me back to that place and I feel that familiar, wonderful sense of peace and comfort.  I have used this moment so many times in my life I can recall each detail with a blink.  And it's what gets me through a tough day, a painful moment, or a difficult time.

When you can do this, you find yourself in that moment.  You find yourself, your strength, and what you are made of...in that one single moment.  So I ask now, let's see who really reads my blog.  What is that moment for you?  Where is your peaceful place?  What is your breathe escape?  If you don't have one, find one.  Let's see where it leads you.  Take yourself away from all the titles that describe you (wife, husband, mother, father, child, student, doctor, artist, etc. etc. etc.) and find you, just plain ole peaceful, happy you.